Efter this nine months of turbulence, it seems the winds are blowing in a much more gentle way. Not having to strugle or stand against the storm, there's suddenly a huge need for expression. And words aren't enough. They're not desired. They'd change the feelings, without giving them a place to be...
And sometimes you just need to give your self permition to feel, whatever it is you're feeling. At least I do. And as a good cancerian, feelings is not something I take lightly! We're famous for our rich and colourful emotional life, and efter a year like mine, imagine just how much I longed for creative expression!
"Shattered" - markers on paper
A friend of mine, who is also an artist, told me earlier in August: "Tove, you use a technique which craves a lot from you. It's really beautiful, but maybe you'd be better off trying some media where you get to expression quicker and in a more lashing way...". She's right. I've reached that point, where I am just too worn to cope with the long way that art quilting is. I don't need the noise or the shaking of the sewing machine. Neither do I need the mess of painting or the dust and fiber clutter from the textiles. I needed to reduce the frame. I needed to simplify.
I thought about what she said for a few weeks. I remembered how things were before. Today I can get access to a huge variety of materials, machines and techniques. But there was a time, specially in my childhood, that the only material available was the cheapest papers my mother could afford or recycling paper that would else go directly to the dustbin. The pen or pencil would be the one at hand at the moment. Whatever situation we were in, I was drawing. I was always drawing. I even got a reprimend when I was in the 5th. grade, because I used lots of time decorating my notebooks with drawings in the margins. That wasn't fair. I did my homework and I was paying attention, while I was drawing... But teachers often hated the competition!
Anyway, remembering those tender years and the easiness in getting my world out on paper leftovers with bad functioning pens, or very short pencils, I kind of missed it. It was just so natural, so out of the heart and so unintentional. It was its own. And I missed it.
So I found some paper, and just to cheer me up, I bought some very nice markers. In my childhood they were most treasured, bacuse they were expensive and lasted only a short while. And they were not very fine. Most of what you could find in a supermarked had a rather thick tip, which wouldn't allow thin lines... But today there's no limit to what kind of marker you can buy. If you don't find it in your local shop, you can always buy something on the internet...
I didn't have to go far for my new markers. I found a very fine 12 colours collection from Faber Castel in a toy shop in Brædstrup, 10 km Northeast from home. Some weeks later, I drove to Tørring, another small town in the vicinity, and decided to check out what the local book and paper store had to offer. To my great surprise, they had not only good quality paper for markers, but a fine collection of doble tipped pens in three different packages. I chose the pastel one, since these are the most difficult to find elsewhere. I might go back there next month and buy the grey and sepia tones pack...
Since then, I've used the early hours of the morning with my new friends, the markers! :-) And it's been rewarding. So I decided to keep this as a part of my morning rituals. I have no ambition with my drawings, other than self expression, and cheer joy for the colours. It's definetly helping me connect to my creative brain side, and re-building my confidence. It's nice to take sometime off, and just play, go back to where it all starts: the cheer will and desire to draw!
"October thoughts" - markers on paper